On Self-Censorship, OB Markers and Beyond

Last week, I made a hole in a fence

Outside the grid

I put pen to paper and asked – what if?
I said- I’m part of the family but
I said – I’m not accepting this.

Guess what? No bolts of lightning fell from the sky to strike me dead. No one came to excommunicate me. No one cut me from their guest list. Indeed, not many noticed. Or, if they did, it was no_big_deal.

It has been incredibly liberating, making that hole. Why didn’t I do it sooner?

I realized – we take fences too seriously

I could blame how I was brought up – my church, my parents, the schools I went to, the society I live in.

I think though, it was just laziness.

I was too lazy to question my own assumptions.

Like my daughter’s dog Charlie, I assumed the fence keeping me in would stand against my weight. And so, I didn’t ask – Why? How can it be? What if?

What if?

It’s a powerful question.

The week before last, my what-if led to my seeing the possibility of kinship with  all creation, even those I would normally despise.

Danielle Shroyer’s what-if, led to Original Blessings, a book that opened my eyes to a different interpretation of humanity, God and sin.

And when I embraced Shroyer’s what-if and wrote my post, a weight came off me. I have been walking on air all week. And even my un-conscious muscles have been celebrating. On Monday, I managed to push myself up to a full wheel stand at yoga class. Once more  – After  thirty years!

Push

It may all be illusion – those no-go places we won’t let ourselves venture to, those OB markers we think exist.

What if?
And what if we push the point of the question against our walls of resistance.
And what if a door appears in answer to our question.
And what if we walk through it?

Who knows what cartwheels we might turn in that field of possibilities?

It’s sort of scary.

I had to think three times before publishing that un-remarked upon last week’s post. But, I’ve no compunctions now in letting my mind wander and my imagination fly –

On that note, these words, from my former risk-manager self:

A risk-manager’s ruminations

here
every street light has an ID
not because anyone might try to steal them
but just in case…

here
all NPark trees are tagged
not because they intend to fall on anyone
but in the event…

here
we pride ourselves on being alert and ready
not because we don’t have robust preventive systems
but things do break down…

the ground is not sweet
best to be prepared
link every data point to the grid
pranksters
freak storms
malingering service persons

so
even if it’s after the event
we know
the where
the who
the how

so
even if we can’t undo the damage
we know
who to hold responsible
scapegoat
punish

imagine the buzz that would wake the city
if the lights began to sparkle of their own accord
as if struck alive by lightning

imagine the crowds that might follow
if the trees pulled up their roots to dance
as if called by some invisible piper

imagine the visions we might bring to be
if we all gave ourselves to dreaming
as if hope could become reality

the chaos!

the walls crumbling
the dams breaking
the doors and windows flying open
the light and water
flooding in

and afterwards
between the stones
bare ground
sweet
with the scent
of new beginnings

Imagine… Ask yourself – What if…?

What fence did you make a hole in?
Let me know  —

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